Showing posts with label battling illness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label battling illness. Show all posts

Sunday, April 7, 2013

X-ZACT Training Phase XXI - 32413 - 40613


SESSION 21 (XXI)


Welcome to Session XXI this is like stepping out of the darkness. Yes I’m melodramatic about this stuff. I use my over active imagination to motivate me in exercise, to heal myself and to deal with medical setbacks and injuries. I still insist that I don’t get sick, even though Kid Stone attacked. It hasn’t passed yet. In my mind he and I are doing battle. I’m trying to destroy him before he escapes, he’s trying to do some damage. I couldn’t wait any longer. I had to start lifting again today. I took a personal trainer refresher course over the weekend and learned some valuable information which I plan to incorporate into the remainder of this operation. It’s technically Spring and that means time to cut, sculpt and define and that’s why I’ll be lifting weights and working my own body weight. I did order the exercise bands so I’ll be adding them and more balance and stretching. Officially 76% through the year and I’m pushin’ the limits.  

32413 (Sunday #277) wake 189.5 20% – 50%

No pain, brunch with the ladies. Start session XXI today. Can’t use Kid Stone as an excuse anymore. Going back to old school training; sculpting for muscle size and density. Reps & sets, combos, classics. Should start today buy the y closes at 1800, I could start at home and continue at work.

HOME WORK: Legs – Back – Chest
Front db squats 30 lbs 3 x 10
Db dead lift – 30 lbs 1 x 12 then 40 lbs 2 x 12
Bent row R&L – 40 lbs 3 x 12 ea.
Bent flies – 30 lbs 3 x 12
Spring Bar Bends – 16 – 20 – 25
Floor press 40 lbs 3 x 12

This may continue at work. Good way to start session XXI, let’s see if I can sculpt this body a bit more by June 18th… end of the second year of Bajai Bootcamp.

32513 (Monday #278) AM – work Returning to suspension work. Pushups (*feet elevated), and dips.

Pushups: 20 – 20 – 16 – 10*- 10*
Dips:   10 – 20 – 18 – 11
Curls:   15 – 35 – 41 – 20 (alternating +1 extra for the left arm, sometimes tandem)
Triceps Kickback: 15ea. – 20 – 20 – 10

Maybe 4 rounds is enough. Suspension pushups is the best exercise for my chest. I’ve gotten the best results. Last 2 sets feet were elevated (but stable). A goal achieved.

Wake 190 – sun salutations 2x, then balancing – legs [do these in sets like weights] 12 – 20 – 30 seconds each leg, then repeat. Leg to the front then to the sides. Stretch hams and quads – bridge – didn’t time it. Working into tougher poses.

32613 (Tuesday #279) AM – work.  Kid stone attacked just before midnight – took a pill. Seems like he’s close to leaving, but enough about that. Tonight’s routine.

Chin ups (rev. grip): 6 – 6 – 8 – 5* (*hanging low)
Rev. grip push ups on bars: 10 – 12 – 10 – 8* (closer & slower)
Front shoulder raises (alt): 21 – 25 – 31- 21 (extra for left arm, palms up last set)

Wake 188.5 36% BF – 47% H2O [note body fat numbers are usually off. The scale is not as accurate as it claims.]  Morning ritual.
Good GX session, drank dinner, (protein veggie shake), guac & chick peas.

32713 (Wednesday #280) AM – Work

Today’s session –
Water bottle squats: 10 – 10 -10
Suspension pushups, feet elevated; 6 – 6 -8
Dips: 10 – 10 – 11
Curls (dumbbell alternating):  20 – 25 – 20

Have to relearn to do squats and probably pushups too. This will help me.

Wake 188.5 post ritual. Like back in the day, wake up and …
Wake exercises: body bends, floor touch & inverted no wt. leg press. Headed to Aqua GX felt pain increasing so I took a pill. Thought Kid Stone was gone and thinking these are phantom pains, but got a class to teach so I can’t take chances. I think this moves a little every 2 days. Flowmax may have helped, but oh well.

Good GX, no pain, but wondered if I needed the pill or not.

32813 (Thursday # 281)

AM - WORK – Tonight’s line up:

Pull ups (palms away): 6 – 7 – 4 (wide) - 4
Rev grip pushups, legs elevated: 10 – 10 (elevated) – 10
Deep assisted squats (no wt):  12 – 16 – 20 -20
Shoulder laterals: 10 – 10 – 12 – 10
End of March,(2013)  thought it was time for 
another eval session. Big Chunky, 
remember him... he's my fat belly and he's
got to go. I'm about to go medieval on his
flabby..., well you know. There are some results
in the upper body. I'll certainly NOT be
competing in a contest or auditioning as a
fitness model. Snap shot eval pix at home
will have to do for now. Stay tuned.
Assisted Pistols (high table): 10 ea. – 10 – 12 – 10  (working towards pistols)
Pretty good workout, still new, expecting serious gains in strength and reps.
No Kid Stone pain.

Wake 188.5 25% - 52% Wake rit. Green shake & grilled cheese w/ guac, shrooms & toms – good. Got up El steps pretty good. Y – GX.

Today: Night off, don’t eat too much. Maybe some x-work before session and after. Work pushups & pull ups. Good GX, got a set of pull ups and ball pushups before the session… more participation then subbed zumba, now I’m wiped out. Is that a six pack poppin//

21:10 – Random HR 103 BPM walk to el and up steps.

32913 (Friday #282) woke lazy but had a good night’s sleep – rare that I get to sleep at night. Did a few pushups. Sore from the recent training. Going to hit the Y for some weights; squats, row, press, etc & body work. Then veggie shop, dancing later. Woo hoo!! First Friday at the Y in weeks, maybe months.

A Good Friday workout. Bars & Body

Squats 225 4 sets of 5 reps. Keep weight constant, increase reps & ROM (take reps to 30).
Bent rows rev & prone grip. 135 3 sets 6 – 10 reps.. also going to 30, increase and improve stance.
Shin flex between rowing sets, about 80 lbs.
Body work –
Deep supported squats, no weight, beyond 90 degrees.
Inverted wt less leg presses 30 sets 20 ish reps.
Dips – 3 sets of 8 push these to 30
Wide grip pull ups 3 x 3 – increase reps… maybe decrease sets until I power up the reps.
Stretch quads & hams.
Done – just over an hour.
Body Rock get my dance on.

33013 (Saturday #283) AM – Darling’s Diner. Angus burger w/ cheese & tea. Sleep at night.

Wake 187 post rit. Drop weight get stronger. (I’ll pay for that burger at some point, not so much the burger but the bread.)

187, wow excited!! -1lb. a week for 3 months or 90 days should get me to my goal. But, I’ll have to maintain my good/better eating habits and vary exercise and see what happens.

Bought a HR monitor/watch today. Woke up after a 3 hr nap rhr 48 bpm. Calculate working HR for fat & Calorie burn.

Base; 120 x 65% = 126 BPM or 21 BP10 seconds; 85% = 150 bpm or 25 BP10

Fit test – Got back into the Hawks, been a while. Snug but not tight. Keep living my life. Not very hungry today. Picked at soft pretzels & drank much fluids. No pain, not hint of pain. Got the meds just in case. Another win – but losing means chronic, no – terminal illness, so I’d better not lose, or quit.

Recognize this guy??? Me neither.He actually only kind 
of exists in essence. This is from 1996; pretty much the 
year I decided I'd gotten fat enough and it was time for 
some serious change. Looking at pix over the years 
inspires me. The people I knew back then are kind enough 
to deny on my behalf that I was a fattie. If I'd done so I 
may havehit 250 lbs or more before I came around. 
I may have to put together a retrospective of my journey 
through  fitness... through life.
Duck tonight. Oh yeah, brining my bands to work to add to the variety.
Oh yeah 2 – body’s sore from yesterday’s training. Legs are screamin!!

FLASHBACKthis is day #283 from a year ago

32812 – Wednesday #283... woke early, chilled in bed for a while. 180 lbs. 
Suspension training over night – even the wing chest was stronger, more reps on short angles. 
Oh yeah, dips!! More than just a hold, maybe stronger tonight, deeper angles (esp for back/rows) I may stick around a few weeks when I’m off (forgot what I meant by this). 
Notes: I am 7 lbs heavier than this time last year, but coming down. I was doing suspension training but most of it was standing at an angle, about 45 degrees. I was also taking Life guard training this time last year, which may have contributed to the lower weight. No doubt I was eating differently as well. More vegetarian days. I may have to get back to those. Going for more raw veggie meals during warm weather months. 175 by August!! 


APRIL!!! Don’t be no fool!!

40113 (Monday #284) AM – work: working with bands and holding a deep squat for some pull sets. Green & blue seem to be the “weight” – the combo. Just a bunch of random upper body and arms. Anticipating soreness of a different sort later today.

Wake 187.5 24.5% 52.5% Rit-massive!! The weight difference between coming in from work and waking up, including elimination is about 2.5 lbs, back to what has been ‘normal’. Occasionally I’ll drop 3 lbs but only when drinking. 

Left lower forearm – strange soreness, probably from the bands or sleeping on it. 

Last antibiotic today. End of the Kid Stone saga. I probably passed it w/o realizing. There were some stinging events. I’m not even that curious to know what it was. Just have to be diligent in keeping it from happening again – even in another 20 years.

40213 (Tuesday #285) AM –work
After moving steadily in one directions looks like I got a bounce. 

Since the Kid Stone incident I've been eating much differently. My daily

veggie drink has protein and creatine in it. I ate out a couple of times

this session (maybe more.) I've set a goal of 175, by August, at which time

I'll be in my 3rd year of daily fitness documentation. Next step is 
maintain 170 - 175 lbs and get stronger and more agile. I should be 
able to do a bit more when i don't have as much weight to lug around.

The Line Up
Water Bottle Squats – 12 – 20 -12
Pull Ups (L) – 5 – 6 – 6
Push Ups – 16 – 11 – 10 (suspension legs elevated)
Dips – 6 – 10 – (suspended, didn’t even make it to the final set, poor!)
Burning appx 370 cals per hr @ work.

These rounds wore me out. I did do some home work yesterday – squat-curl-presses & shoulder work, nothing too straining.

Wake 188 22.5% - 52%  Banged a double!! Oatmeal for breakfast wake stack + CLA and omega 3. TUGX today.

Two good GX sessions – burning about 1100 calories per hour just leading classes – according to my watch. Of course this is why I’m always beat after classes on Tuesdays.

Note to self – stop talking about fat people. More on this later.

40313 (Wednesday #286) AM – Work: Last week I told myself to remember not to work out Tuesday into Wednesday. Now I’m bored. I could pull out the bands I suppose, but muscles need to rest. Bands tomorrow. Home work after GX.

Wake 188 – only dropped 1.5 lbs, slept til the alarm. Shot down 3 bogeys before 1600. Practiced pushups 25 normal, 15 each side with the dumbbell (right side was weak, needed two sets.) 10 each w/ opposite arm extended on the ball. Maybe squats after GX?? And do pushups with straight arm. Not quite to 1-arms yet. Maybe try 1-arms on knees.

1 each set straight arm pushups at the pool & 30 squats @ 225 in 5 sets. (It averages 5 sets of 6, but that’s not how I did them.)

40413 AM – work. Lite band work. Just to keep busy. Drinking lots of H2O.

Wake 188.5 Y-GX then dinner w/ mom.

Calorie burn experiment #2
700 calories during the 55 minute class.
900 more the first hour after class.
2800 total burned in 3.5 hours after class [2800 – 700 = 2100] so 600 CPH after the intervals. The norm or ‘control’ is 370 CPH.
4 hours later still burning just under 600 CPH.

40513 (Friday #287) 188.5  No weight drop, but I did eat dinner last night so no mini-fast. Lift therapy today???

Yes- Lift Therapy successful.

Round 1 – leg press – calf raises – shin flex  3 revolutions
Round 2 – t-bar row – shin flex – deep assisted squats (no wt.)  3 revolutions
Round 3 – Bench press 135 lbs – step ups (on dumbbells) shin flex  3 – 4 revolutions
Leg curls, Leg extensions (195 go to increase reps) Asst pistols, stretch legs.
Calorie burn appx 800 PH @ 2 hrs since leaving the house.
After 3 hours 700 CPH. At 5h 10 mins 2550 total 494 CPH.

Going to try and take this BMI scale more seriously. Let me see if I can get and memorize the formula. Although it’s more than 150 years old. I’ll get mine into the 24s, but what’s more important is the waistline and bellyline. I’ll be one of my few friends who aren’t “technically” over weight. 

BMI = lbs/ht in inches squared x 703.07 my BMI at 175 lbs will be 24.4
Ht remains constant at 5041 (that’s 71 x 71). So today’s BMI is 26.3. 25 is overweight. I think 180 will get me to 25.1. If I happen to pack on more muscle weight but get my belly down to around 32 inches and Body fat to about 12% I won’t worry much about BMI, but right now, it’s a goal.

It should be noted that I again danced for hours, this was my evening cardio. And drank nothing but H2O and iced tea. I guess those days of not drinking due to the meds just quelled my taste for alcohol. Oh wait, I did make an aloe & dark coconut rum drink earlier this week, just as an experiment. 

40613 (Saturday #288) 188.5 maybe… Last day of  session XXI and this will be the last entry for this document (that’s an admin note.) Today kind of snuck up on me. Walked some errands… need to do more of this. Casual waking takes too long so I need to walk to get somewhere, or pick up what I need. 20-30 minutes should do.

50 slow deliberate air squats, flip kicks and trying to hold a seated, elevated L pose on yoga blocks. Start session XXII on the straps. Ta-ta.

Monday, March 25, 2013

X-ZACT Training Phase XX: 31010 - 32313


SESSION 20! 


Session XX begins auspiciously enough after a night of dancing and surprisingly not much drinking… of alcohol that is. It will prove to be a challenging session, more of hurting and healing than training. But stay tuned.

31013 (Sunday #263) wake 193 – 34.5% bf 47.5% H2O or something like this.

DST started today so my 4am arrival time was actually 5am. I slept 4 hours and woke up strong, not very sore at all. I drank much water at shakedown and danced for hours. 

Took the AM stack and worked on opening the core – back bends, stretches – still more I can do. Sunny today, but not motivated to go outside just yet. I’m 72% into this year. I’m beginning to imagine my outdoor workouts. I may not be able to run… far. 

Another thing I’ve noticed in the last two weeks is dry skin, and itchy too. Had a dry patch at bottom of rt thumb. I thought it was strap handles, but they are not on both thumbs. Was wondering if this is lack of H2O or b/c I added lemon juice to the water, or the weather. Although I’ve been eating more fruit and veggies, hydration still seems low. As warmer weather comes things will likely change. 

31113 (Monday #264) Wake 191.5 35.5 – 50 – short sleep, up 2 hours before planned. Woke strong. Start a week or two of cardio and stretching. Flexercise @ wake. Runny nose. Mid 50s today. Got that funny feeling a demon’s coming.
YMCA –
Cardio 35 mins, elliptical. HR 144 – 150, hi intensity via the chart. Mat abs – shadow boxing – some squats – stretch, 45 mins total. Brought the ropes but ddn’t use them.
Knee – status quo, healing. Maybe try a short run during week 2. Better to keep the impact low and light.

31213 (Tuesday #265) AM – work: relaxed and worked on holding lunges and stretching them out. Wondering if I can get another cardio session in today. Getting more naps at the gig.

You have probably guessed, I love charts. Maybe that makes me
a neo-nerd. This is pretty much 2 weeks of battling Kid Stone. I
dropped back into the 180s, which is where I was headed for Spring
anyway. I've taken another step towards a better diet and I'm entering
"cutting season" which means more activity and muscle sculpting 
instead of high weights & high reps. 
Wake 191.5 29  49.5 – Flexercise & stretches for legs, back, abs and leg work w/ ankle weights. Burst training.

31313 (Wednesday #266) – chilled, but worked on holding lunges/crescent. I should focus on lunge bridge, more twists, bow, downward dog.

YMCA – Elliptical 30 mins, 3 min sets fwd/bkwd. Air squats, stretches, flex training for back. Bridge and down dog. Maybe bow at home. Leg stretches, 60 mins.

31413 (Thursday #267) AM – work – Mostly chillin’ working on lunge-crescents – these are pretty tough when done properly.

Been eating raw and vegetarian over night. ACV before bed, aloe juice @ wake. Less coconutwater and more H2O w/ lemon juice. Early results seem to be steady lower body fat numbers and increasing H2O numbers at wake up. Weight has been b/ 191.5 and 193.5. two cups of tea and generally two cooked meals at home, an apple a day, blueberries and OJ.

Wake 191  26%  52% - post ritual. Steady increase.

PAIN!! Left side, lower ab/upper pelvic area. Iced it, hot showered it. Took advil b/c I have a class to teach. This sucks, worst place for pain. I’m wondering if I over stretched or if it is DOMS, just in this area… ouch. Oh yeah, checked for anything that felt lumpy or herniated… negative.

YMCA – Very strong, good breath, no pain, probably the Advil or adrenaline or group energy. Don’t want to give drugs too much credit. Maybe I can stretch a little at home.

Urine darker than normal, hope it’s not blood. Trying to think what it could be. This plus pelvic pain causes concern. First noticed before class at the y. could it be dehydration/ been mentally going over intake – nothing way out of the ordinary. Hmmm, will monitor this.

31513 (Friday #268) AM – work – wondering about this pain that’s starting to return. Left side, pelvic area, upper. Mild to dull but perpetual. This week of cardio and no lifting or body weight work is near the end, how the hell am I injured/ I may have slept funny… pressure.

Okay, I’m clear. Had to take Advil for the pelvic (doesn’t seem like groin, bit could be originating from there.) Pain. Eating less over night.

Got home, 194.5 severe pain in lower left abdomen. HR accelerated, thought I was going to have to go to the ER, called my primary, no office hours today. Ice pack, hot baths, sleep and pain relievers. Made a chili powder & baby lotion ointment, drank lots of lemon water. Made a web search for the problem. Decided intestinal blockage seemed feasible, since no elimination/purge all day. (a few trickles during the shift.)

This was a day of complete self reliance and not disillusionment, but a confirmation that I can’t rely on my primary.

31613 (Saturday #269) wake 190 24 hr fast & remedies, experimentation. The fear turned to determination. I talked to and listened to my body. Sea salt purgative this morning – let’s see what that accomplishes. I’m wasting my first weekend off, but on the other hand, I’m spending it healing myself. 
Warm soak bath, heat pad, sea salt hasn’t kicked in yet. Usually takes an hour. More evidence of blockage. Next, tea & oatmeal. 
Trying to figure out how this happened. Been eating well all week except the soft pretzels. I think it’s them, but I usually eat them a couple of times a week anyway. I wonder if the vitamins and supps could be the cause/ Never happened before though.
Noon – still no elimination. Opted for guacamole instead of oatmeal. Did have some dried pineapple a handful of blueberries, tea lots of water, aloe & ginger shot. Status quo – no more meds tho.
Right wrist forearm pain, connection/ 
1730 – still no elimination, some gas, urine is clear. Every time I drink, it hurts in the left oblique. Heat pad helps. Ate blueberries, drank tea w/ cinnamon and ginger, aloe juice. 

I haven't taken any eval shots recently, so I've
been flashing back. In 2003 this was an "after 
picture." It's June in California, so I'm 
presenting better than I would on say, Coney
Island. 2003 was an interesting year. Seems
my belly is the same circumference as back then
but, it's somehow different. I've got to cut an 
inch or two off of it before September.
31713 (Sunday #270) – still no elimination 190 lbs, apple cider vinegar.

805 – just a little elim. Still pain in the waisetline. Trying sea salt again. 
1045 – Caster oil 1 tbsp / oj – this was no help. Only caused pain. Went back to the heat pad.
1240 – blueberries – hungry
2300 – ish; Back from the ER, diagnosis, kidney stone. This needs to be passed or dissolved. 2 mm. overall the ordeal wasn’t so bad. 

31813 (Monday #271)  189.5

In many ways it’s like Day 1. I have to rebuild slowly. Measuring was scheduled for yesterday – but…

Top (Solar plexus) 101 cm – up from 98.5 significant increase.
Middle (6 pack) 93 cm – gain of 1 cm from 45 days ago.
Bottom (Navel) 97 cm – 1 cm gain.
Under (waistline) 98 cm – 1 cm reduction.

I am way off of my goal of all of these numbers being in the 80s, but I’m realizing that the reality is only the middle and bottom are candidates for 89 centimeters or less. On the other hand I seem to be growing uniformly, and there is more definition. 

No exercise today so far this week. Feeling backed up again. The recovery has begun.

31913 (Tuesday #272) 189.5 – awake at 5AM. Got Gx today. Going for an actual laxative, but also going to try smoothies to ease back into eating. Little if any pain from ‘Kid Stone’. Urine is clear. Drank 32 oz of sea salt water last night & only farted. Maybe there’s not enough in the system yet.

The meds, except for the antibiotics have side effects I’d rather not deal with, although I might try the ‘flowmax’ and keep the pain killers with me just in case. The pain hasn’t been as bad as pre-ER.

Ref; measuring day – next time we’ll do the rest of the upper body and appendages. 
730 – breakfast smoothie; protein, ice, grapes, bitter gourd, coconut water, chia seed, cherry extract, spinach, kale, ginger juice (pure) made 2 servings.

Soreness in mid vertebrae, from straining I suspect.

Back to fitness. Dropped three so far today. Good, better eating. Off to temple for GX. Dropped another at TU.
GX and aqua went well. Back is screamin’, slowin me down but not stopping me. Good thing I have no heavy lifting to do. Took pre-workout stack and post work (BCAAs) will finish shake at home.

32013 (Wednesday #273) AM – work. Chilled – back hurts, heated. Appetite has returned.

Wake – 188.5 after 2 and a wake shake. Got a GX cardio session tonight at 1930, so a bit of eating out today it looks like. Sessions went well, had a salmon BLT at the horse and salad I’ll take to work with me.

32113 (Thursday #274) – wake 190.5

Two days of wake shakes with green veggies. Kid Stone is on the move. Woke my ass up at 1035 and had to activate the drugs. I got Y-GX today and can’t be messin around. Will have to take it easy tho. Been taking ACV night & day. No exercise besides what I teach. Can’t wait to start up again. More body weight & sculpting, i.e. old school lifting for definition. SPRING!
Y-GX – got through this one. No pain, but the issue still lingers.

32213 (Friday #275) AM – work: It’s a week later, already and looking back over my notes, I saw and documented this coming; I just didn’t know what it was. The last thing I would have expected was kidney stone. I didn’t want to believe it when the nurse told me. At this point I’m feeling no pain. I took a pill before coming to the job and neither the lower abs zone nor the middle of my back hurts – most likely due to the pain killers. 

I’ll probably take this weekend off from any sort of exercise. I have a personal trainer course to take and that will take up 8 hours of my Saturday, but it’s worth it. This stone should either pass or be dissolved by the end of the weekend and when I wake up Monday, it will be the second day of Session XXI and that puts me 76% finished Bajai Bootcamp Year Two. I’ve already decided the third year I’m going back to the Ruggedness theme. I like it and it fits in with my goals. X-ZACT is clever, but too band-wagony. 

It’s still early in the day and there’s a lot left of this Friday to unfold. 

Wake 188.5 37 47 no pain, no meds. Last pain killer taken last night around 2200, so it must have worn off by now. Maybe some light exercise, but I can’t wait til Monday – or Sunday to lift again. Good wake up elimination. Maybe I’ll get some bands.

32313 (Saturday #276) 191 – dropped 2… oatmeal for breakfast. P/T course. 830 – 1200. Took a nap and woke w/ severe Kid Stone pain – had to take 2 pain killers. They took more than an hour to kick in and suddenly, no pain.

I should chill tonight, can’t drink anyway, but who knows?

Measuring Day Redux – I’m going to convert the numbers into inches just to give me a better view.
Top – 101 cm = 39.76 inches. I’m not mad about this. I wouldn’t mind adding a few more inches as long as it’s the back that’s getting thicker.

Middle – 93 cm = 36.61 – at one time this was 87 cm around. I should get back to this. I think my whole frame got thicker over the past 9 months. I think I’ll be able to shred this spring/summer.

Belly – 97 cm = 38.19 – this is where I have to definitely focus and that focus will be on eating, food, supplements and activity. Over 37 inches statistically puts me at a health risk. That’s enough motivation for me.

Waistline – 98 cm = 38.58 – funny how these numbers are essentially the same, but my belly is more or less hanging over the waistline. Same as above, it’s a statistical health risk. Nonetheless, I still want to be strong like bull!!

Lower belly target 89cm – 94 cm.

I have got to reduce this belly fat. I’m more defined and leaner all over, but around the belly button I’m the same as I was in 2003! Hard to believe or accept that after 10 years the belly hasn’t changed. Last fall’s pants fit better today. I have to wonder if around the belly is affected by back expansion as well. Someone described belly fat as a tumor! It secretes hormones in order to keep itself alive. I think of it as a monster, a living creature within me.

This is the end of session twenty. This has probably been the roughest two weeks of the century for me, certainly of the Bajai Bootcamp series.